I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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