Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
