I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
