How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
