You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
