oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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