I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize