I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
