She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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