i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
