Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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