They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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