she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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