he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
