Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
