I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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