Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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