some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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