you guys were way drunker than both of me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
