He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize