You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
