i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
