Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
