dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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