I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
