i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize