Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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