i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
