She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
