the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
