We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
