Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
