Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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