I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
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He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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