I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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