the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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