I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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