Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
