Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
