Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
