Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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