called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
