I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
