It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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