you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
