chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
