She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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