____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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