I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
