My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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