yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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