I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
