If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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