She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
