It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm like, not good at living.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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