I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
