Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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