He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize