I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
