I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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