spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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