i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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